Seoul City
I was scared, and terrified that I could not think anything. Really, I could have just took a bus or a train and leave. But at that moment, I must have believed that I was homeless – I thought I had nowhere to go.
I kept looking for the old man, but I failed to do so. While looking for the old man, I found another man sitting on the other side of the stairs. I walked up to him and asked if he saw the old man I was with.
“He went down that way.”He pointed toward the opposite side of the station. “I have never seen you before. Where is your hometown?”
I answered him that I am from Incheon city. Then he asked: “Why are living out here?”
He thought that I was homeless. I hesitated whether I should lie or tell the truth and finally, I told him the truth. When I told him the truth, he seemed mad.
“Don’t even dare to dream about experiencing the homelessness. It sucks.”
He almost yelled as he was saying the words. He was not mad at me, but it seemed like he was mad about his life.
“It is really dangerous out here. People steal things from each other and even hurt each other.”
He pointed at his teeth. He did not have 4 front teeth.
“Do you see this? I lost them from fighting someone on the street. Fighting is very common here. Let me tell you a story, not too long ago, a drunken homeless woman stabbed three people with her knife in front of Seoul station. Out of those three, two were not homeless. Lots of people here carry knives in their coats.” And then he showed me a scar on his neck and continued.
“Someone I don’t even know tried to stab me while I was sleeping. That’s street life. If you have anything curious about it, just ask me and go back to you home.
I was frightened. This feeling was similar to the feeling I had when I was in New York City witnessing Ronnie (a homeless guy I met there) attempting to buy drugs from a dealer. Later, when the man calmed down, I asked him the reason he is out on the street.
“I became homeless during the IMF. I used to own a clothes factory and had 35 employees under me.”
Soon after the homeless man finished his words, a man halted as he approached to us. I looked up and saw him coming toward us. The man stopped right in front of us and greeted to the man whom I was talking to. The man did not have focus on his eyes and he was rocking his body back and forth. He looked at me and said:
“Do you want a cigarette?” He lifted his right hand toward the pocket on his left chest. Then I realized that his hands were bloody that I could not even tell the shape of his hands.”
I told him that I don’t smoke but I could not make an eye contact since I was intimidated.
“Do you really want to experience the homelessness? This is the reality kid!” The homeless man whom I was talking to shouted as he pointed at the man in front of us.
“Have you ever seen anyone dead? I was on the streets for 4 years and I don’t remember the number of people I saw dead. People who I drink with yesterday die today. I look like a tough guy right? But this life on the street makes me cry so many times.”
I was speechless. I was just dumbfounded from the shock. The guy who tried to give me a cigarette went on his way. After he went, there was a few minutes of silence. Finally, I opened my mouth and asked him if he wants to eat something.
“I wish to drink some alcohol. Can you get me some?”
I said I couldn’t and I told him I can get food for him. But he refused and asked for a bottle of soda. I ran to a store nearby and bought him a bottle of soda.
“Many people on the street cannot eat well. They drink too much alcohol and now their stomach cannot handle food well. Some people throw up if they eat. One time, I could not eat for 22 days and went to a hospital.” He said after he had a sip of the drink.
I asked him why don't people quit drinking then.
“You cannot live on the streets without drinking. That will be too harsh. You must drink to bear it.”
I asked him what would be a good way to help the homeless.
“The homeless people have problems too. They should not make others uncomfortable. There are homeless people who pee inside Seoul station or even poop. But other people have problems too. One time, a worker in Seoul Station pushed a homeless on a wheel chair to kick the person out of the station. Unfortunately, the homeless person fell from the stairs and died. What’s more maddening is that the worker was determined as an innocent person at the court.”
That was an appalling story. I asked him if anyone attempted to have a conversation in order to understand him.
“There have been some people who gave me food here and there, but for past 4 years, there has not been a single person who tried to talk to me. That’s for sure.”
For other people, the homeless were merely animals in the zoo who can be content only with food.
I asked him one more time if I can stay with him for one night to learn about the homelessness. He firmly said “No” and said that I must go back. I thought for awhile and eventually came back home. On the way back, I kept thinking whether I should have stayed or not. However, I came to a conclusion that I need to find a homeless who is willing to accept me to his daily life before I do anything. I will keep looking for the one as long as I am in Korea. Pray for me.
Issac Won
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